Sometimes you don't know!

I sat in a room full of people, one side all military people, and the other side relatives and friends. I sat in amazement as a Colonel Kokrucu, a friend of my son, spoke for what seemed like an hour without notes about my son. I was somewhat uncomfortable as I heard of his twenty some year career in the Air Force, and thought why didn't I know of all the things that he has done? The Colonel explained that it is part of what is a tradition that you don't talk about the medals and ribbons you were honored to receive. It just seemed that how could I know so little about this son who has achieved so much in his military career.

There were moments when I was in tears with pride, and tears that Mary Lou, his mom wasn't able to see this great event. In so many ways Mary Lou and George are alike, seldom able to say what is inside of them. George is humble, sometimes to a fault. Mary Lou was the same way. On March 26, 2012 it will be ten years since I said good bye to her. I often have thoughts of her and how she would have felt especially as I saw our son George being honored.

Now that I am in my senior years, and especially after significant events like my son's retirement, I am confronting the reality that life has a termination point, and that I am approaching it. I want what I can't have anymore, the closeness to my kids that I had as they past through childhood. I can't have the hug that I could have every day as they grew up. Rationalizing that this is life is okay, but there is still an emptiness. I think back to my folks and the sadness that my mother expressed as Mary Lou, the kids and I would drive away after a Thanksgiving event and I realized I am now feeling the same feelings.

There is a satisfaction that comes too at an event like this, and is reinforced by so many as I walked around the room where the ceremony was held. This satisfaction is that Mary Lou and I did a good job in raising this son who we were and are so proud of!

We have truly been blessed!  -- Enough